Birth...the American Way

I just read a woman's birth story. It was her third child, the first 9lbs, the second, 10 lbs. Both were normal vaginal deliveries with no complications. At 37 wks, her OB did a growth ultrasound and told her baby was 10 lbs and recommended a c/s. She consented, and at 37 wks said c/s was performed. Baby was 5lbs 6oz!!!!

The problems with this are as follows. The woman is obviously capable of giving birth to large babies, she has done it twice, why would an OB try to tell her otherwise? Oh that's right he makes more money off a c/s and has complete control. That child is now considered a preemie! He is at a higher risk for all sorts of complications simply because a doctor decided so.

This is birth the American way. My next birth (which could be in as little as 7 months) will not be in the American way, at least not present day America.

I say could be because I'm not positive that I'm not pregnant at the moment. Yes I have taken several HPTs that have been negative, but I feel "off". I also noticed today that Graham's poop was seedy, which was my first indication in Kayla that I was pregnant with Graham. So maybe I took the tests too early, or I could just be imagining things. Only time, or another test, will tell.

Decisions, Apologies, and Realizations

The time is quickly approaching to make a decision on when to return to Germany. There have been rumors that Aaron will be returning as early as March. These are of course rumors, although supposedly from a very reliable source. What do I do? Return in January to re-acclimate in time for Aaron's return? Return in June, when Aaron will definitely be back and the Spring semester will be over? Or never return? It seems to be a near impossible decision


I miss Germany. I miss the freedom I had there. I miss my friends. I miss the fresh air. I miss how healthy I felt. Germany was great for me. It was truly the first time that I was on my own. Maybe I need more of that. Sometimes I feel like I'm still struggling to figure out who I am, and as long as I am living in Nashville I will never be able to figure it out. My identity seems to be my family.


I had plans to take a couple science classes this Spring, nursing pre-reqs and such. Kayla has a dance recital in June, which we already put a $70 deposit down for her outfit. Vinny graduates in May, something I want to be here for, and it's also his last season of baseball which I would love to see, I missed baseball in Germany.


So what takes priority? How I felt, what I need, what I want? What Kayla wants? What Aaron wants? What I feel is best for our family? What if they overlap into both options?


Apologies are in order. It seems as though a previous post hurt the feelings of someone very close to me. It was not my intention, just my venting. Maybe I should rethink my openness here. It seems as though that would be counterproductive. My entries help me to see things more clearly and not typing everything hinders that. Just please remember, my intentions are never to hurt anyone.


I have come to realize, that I listen to other people entirely too much when it comes to parenting. I have been trying to get Graham to sleep through the night. Several people have told me that he shouldn't still be nursing at night, and so I've been trying to stop the nighttime nursings. This has proven to be very difficult. Graham cries inconsolably when I refuse to feed him. It's not good for either of us. He will stop nursing at night when he is ready. Kayla was still nursing at night when she was Graham's age. I don't think she stopped night nursings until about 15 months. So Graham will nurse whenever he wants, and he will sleep through the night when he is ready. 


I believe I have made my decision on when to go back. I will post my decision when I am 100% sure of it. 

EC Necessities

I have received comments from several people wanting more information about EC. I suggest the following things to get started:



The most important thing to remember is that you are just opening the lines of communication about elimination. Expect accidents to occur, they will happen. DO NOT GET UPSET WITH YOUR CHILD IF THERE IS AN ACCIDENT. The majority of accidents occur when a parent does not listen to the child's cues, not that the child doesn't give one.

Blogging for Babywearing

'm copying this from www.thebabywearer.com because I know not everyone has access there, but if you do, the URL is http://www.thebabywearer.com/forum/showthread.php?416887-Brace-Yourself

Dear Babywearing Enthusiast:

It is time to BRACE YOURSELF!

A recall of a major baby carrier is being forced through this week. We want you to understand how this has been handled and to appreciate the immediacy of the problem!
Company was informed by the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) that, after several years, a closed investigation of their product was being reopened.
Company was told by the CPSC to issue a recall of every product back more than ten years, and to discontinue sales, while admitting that there is no product flaw.
Company stopped all sales, with the intention of clearing up the matter and reopening shortly.
Company asked for the Health and Science report that the CPSC later claimed to have, indicating the need for a recall.
CPSC has NEVER complied; inside word is that there is NOT a Health and Science report.
Company was sent two draft press releases and asked to voluntarily recall their product or the CPSC would issue a unilateral recall (a forced recall) which included inflammatory language as well as a threat to pursue action against entire class of baby sling products.
Company held fast, knowing that the product is safe and a benefit to babies and stated they would be willing to work with the CPSC on a public education campaign about sling safety.
CPSC asked for Company’s financials.
Company complied.
CPSC said to company “You are no longer in business, we don’t need your cooperation in order to recall! Prepare to DESTROY all product next week!” Next week is International Babywearing week!
PLEASE NOTE: *THIS IS AFTER THE CPSC FORCED COMPANY TO STOP SELLING!

The CPSC has overstepped their bounds, and are bullying small, family businesses who make safe products!

This is only the beginning, according to the CPSC’s own words they want to eradicate the whole class of product!

A line has been drawn in the sand! Will you help fight the good fight with us? If you care that these products are available to you, to babies, to families across our country, ACT NOW!

If you are represented by any one of these legislators, please call and write to them NOW, before this recall happens. We are asking just a few simple things:

1. Stop all recall actions against baby sling companies until
2. We can finalize the ASTM voluntary sling standards (scheduled for November) and
3. Force the CPSC to follow their own internal procedures, stop using bullying tactics, and use sound science.

SENATE:
Mark Pryor – Chairman, AR (202) 224-2353
Byron L. Dorgan, ND (202) 224-2551
Barbara Boxer, CA (202) 224-3553
Bill Nelson, FL (202) 224-5274
Claire McCaskill, MO (202) 224-6154
Amy Klobuchar, MN (202) 224-3244
Tom Udall, NM (202) 224-5941
Roger Wicker – Ranking Member, MS (202) 224-6253
Olympia J. Snowe, ME (202) 224-5344
Jim DeMint, SC (202) 224-6121
John Thune, SD (202) 224-2321
Johnny Isakson, GA (202) 224-3643
David Vitter, LA (202) 224-4623

HOUSE:
Bobby L. Rush, IL, Chairman 202-225-4372; 773-224-6500
Jan Schakowsky, IL, Vice Chair 202-225-2111; 773-506-7100
Ed Whitfield, KY, Ranking Member 202-225-3115; 270-885-8079
John P. Sarbanes, MD 202-225-4016; 410-832-8890
George Radanovich, CA 202-225-4540; 559-449-2490
Betty Sutton, OH 202-225-2266; 330-865-8450
Cliff Stearns, FL 202-225-5744; 352-351-8777
Frank Pallone, Jr., NJ 202-225-4671; 732-571-1140
Joseph R. Pitts, PA 202-225-2411; 717-303-0667
Bart Gordon, TN 202-225-4231; 615-896-1986
Mary Bono Mack, CA 202-225-5330; 760-320-1076
Bart Stupak, MI 202-225-4735; 231-348-0657
Lee Terry, NE 202-225-4155; 402-397-9944
Gene Green, TX 202-225-1688; 281-999-5879
Sue Wilkins Myrick, NC 202-225-1976; 704-362-1060
Charles A. Gonzalez, TX 202-225-3236; 210-472-6195
Tim Murphy, PA 202-225-2301; 412-344-5583
Anthony D. Weiner, NY 202-225-6616; 718-520-9001
Phil Gingrey, GA 202-225-2931; 770-429-1776 J
im Matheson, UT 202-225-3011; 801-486-1236
Steve Scalise, LA 202-225-3015; 504-837-1259
G. K. Butterfield, NC 202-225-3101; 252-237-9816
Robert E. Latta, OH 202-225-6405; 419-668-0206
John Barrow, GA 202-225-2823; 912-354-7282
Joe Barton, TX 202-225-2002; 817-543-1000

Here is a sample letter. Please feel free to edit it and make it more personal to your situation. For example, if you are a business owner in the industry, let them know how a recall will affect you. If you are an educator, let them know how you help. Give them a personal story. Whatever it takes!

Dear _______,

I am writing as a concerned parent about the broad and overzealous scope of many of the recent CPSC recalls. In particular, I’ve learned that the CPSC is threatening a unilateral recall action against a reputable brand of baby sling.

I am appealing to you, as a member of the The Subcommittee on Consumer Protection, Product Safety, and Insurance. Today, I am asking that: 1) all baby sling recall actions be stopped immediately; 2) the ASTM sling carrier standard should be voted on so that sling carriers may be tested for this safety standard; 3) the CPSC be forced to follow their own internal procedures of due course, rather than using scare tactics and bullying to intimidate reputable, responsible companies.

I am aware that this particular product was in use at the time of death of an infant in one case in 2005. This incident was fully investigated by the CPSC and the company was told, in 2007, that the product was not at fault. In early 2010, this case was reopened despite no new evidence. The company was bullied into closure by the CPSC. No testing or report showing evidence of a defect has been made available to the company. The CPSC is now using the fact that the company is closed to issue the unilateral recall, despite lacking the science and statistics that would be the norm for this agency. At this time, there are indications of many more baby carrier recalls to come, including CPSC language that indicates that they are considering action against this "entire class of product".

Recalling this particular product, and potentially this "entire class of product", will have a decidedly negative impact on parents all over the United States. Babywearing is a practice that has proven health benefits for both babies and their caregivers, and is an essential part of parenting for millions of people across the country and worldwide. The CPSC is attempting to drastically limit a personal parenting choice through this unnecessary recall. Please consider the Baby Carrier Industry Alliance’s Position Paper (http://babycarrierindustryalliance.m...hite_paper.pdf/) as scientific evidence of both the necessity and the safety of baby carriers.

There is a strong network of babywearing safety advocates and volunteer groups throughout the nation whose mission is to teach caregivers how to use their baby carriers safely and effectively. Baby carriers are absolutely safe; perhaps even safer than many other baby care devices such as swings and car seats. Additionally, ASTM International is set to vote on a voluntary standard for sling carriers this very week. This standard is the result of 3 years of hard work by consumer advocates, manufacturers, and members of the CPSC's own staff.

The recent light shown on the tactics taken by the CPSC is shocking. Bullying small family-owned business to get the outcome they desire should not be how the US Government does business. I ask you to stop this recall, look into the actions of the CPSC, and consider allowing the voluntary standards process to be completed. I hope we can count on you.

Thank you for your consideration.

Best,

As Many of you know, I am addicted to babywearing. Luckily, this addiction is full of positives rather than negatives. I am able to carry Graham, and Kayla when she will let me, close to my body at all times. Graham is able to see the world around him, and see how adults interact with each other and with their surroundings. This stimulates his brain and helps to form necessary neuron connections. When done correctly, babywearing is extremely safe and beneficial. These recalls are threatening the babywearing community in a time that is already difficult enough. Please help protect babywearing!

Depression & Such

I need to go back to Germany. If for no other reason than because I feel I won't be as depressed there. I am miserable living with my parents. Not that they aren't a huge help, sometimes. I feel as if they take advantage of me, and expect me to do things differently than I do them. Every day is a fight with my mom about one thing or another, mostly related to my EC with Graham.

I also feel like my being here is keeping my dad from doing things that he needs to do, such as work. Maybe if I returned to Germany my parents would be happier with each other, since at that point my mom couldn't be jealous that my dad gets to spend so much time with us.

There are a couple things keeping me here. First, I couldn't go back to Germany until Middle of November. Going now would be pointless because Aaron is coming to California in less than 30 days. I'm returning from Cali on November 11, which of course means Thanksgiving is only a couple weeks after that. I'd have to stay for Thanksgiving. If I'm not here for Christmas my family would kill me! All of them, not just my parents. Second, I want to go back to school, which means Anatomy & Physiology and Microbiology. Both of which are classes I can't take online, which means I have to be stateside.

I think I need antidepressants. Or maybe just a job.

Countdown to R&R 30 days

In an effort to look amazing when Aaron returns from R & R, I started the 30 day shred this morning. This is about the fourth time I've "started" The longest I've kept at it is 4 days, so we'll see how long I'll make it this time. The difficulty is not in the program, rather finding the time to do it.

Yes, it is only a 20 minute program, who doesn't have 20 minutes? Well, I don't have 20 minutes. Graham is usually awake no later than 0530. Kayla usually wakes up as soon as I get out of bed. Graham usually naps a few times a day, Kayla on the other hand usually doesn't, and of course on the days they both nap, it's never at the same time. Graham is usually in bed no later than 1900-1930. Kayla of course varies from 2000-2200. Even if she went to bed early enough, we only have one DVD player in our house. How crazy is that? And of course it is hooked up to the main TV in the living room, so doing it in the evenings would inconvenience the 'rents. My only option is of course to wake up at 0500. Murphy's Law dictates however that if I were to get up at 0500 to work out, Graham would wake up at 0510. I will therefore continue to wake-up with Graham, feed him and bring him downstairs with me to work out, and pray that Kayla stays asleep.

I am excited to go to California. Mostly because I want to show off Graham, my wraps, and EC. I can't wait to see the look on my in-laws faces when I tell them that Graham doesn't wear diapers. If night EC doesn't become more reliant in the next 30 days, I will of course bring diapers for night time. For the most part though, Graham does pretty well at night. We've had a couple accidents, but that is to be expected.

I have decided that it is time to sell my wraps. As far as addictions go, you can't get past them while they are staring you in the face. I will keep a couple of my babies, because of their value and so that I can continue to wear Graham of course. The next one as well. I have about 35, and I will keep 13. A bamboo blend, a cashmere blend, a hemp blend, a silk blend, a tussah blend, two wool blends, 3 linen blends, and 3 cottons. They will be listed on ebay over the next 30 days. I can only hope that I get out of them what I put in them. I will post the results here. Whatever doesn't sell on ebay, I will list on TBW FSOT at discounted prices.

Unloading

Life with a toddler is impossible. Life with an infant is difficult. Life with both is impossibly difficult. However, it is one of the most rewarding experiences I can imagine.

Kayla loves her little brother like nothing I have ever seen before. She can be screaming at the top of her lungs for one thing or another, Graham enters her line of vision and she is reduced to smiles, giggles, and baby-talk. My heart just melts. The funniest thing about it, is she tries to regress back to his age, instead of bringing him forward to hers.

For example, I am ECing Graham. For those of you who don't know what that is, EC stands for Elimination Communication. It also is referred to as Natural Infant Hygiene and Infant Potty Training. Graham does not wear diapers, except for very rare occasions such as long trips to places that a toilet or bush/tree is not readily available. When this process first began, I would occasionally hold Graham over a bowl for him to eliminate in. About a month in, Kayla out of nowhere climbs on the counter, squats over a bowl (this one just happened to have canteloupe in it) and pees. She didn't tell anyone she needed to potty, she just did it. This afternoon, Grahams little potty arrived in the mail. Kayla proceeded to sit on it, fully clothed, and pee. I had just got done saying it was Graham's potty and she had her own big girl potty. She insisted this one was hers and "proved" it to me.

The only thing Kayla has not decided she wants to do is be wrapped on me. Graham loves to be wrapped tight against my body in any number of Didymos wraps. As my best friend put it "I have more of these things than I do shirts." Sadly it is true. The worst part about it is that each wrap cots about the amount of 4-5 shirts, and $30 shirts at that. I have spent as much as $800 on a single wrap. It has become an unhealthy addiction actually. In the last 2-3 weeks, I have accumulated about 16 new wraps, and spent about $6,000. I have a counseling session on October 12.

Spending money is my way of dealing with stress. It use to be eating, but when I started buying wraps I was also dieting, so instead of eating, I buy. Now that I have realized I have a problem with buying wraps, I have quit, but I am starting to eat again. Hence the counseling. I'm guessing there are some underlying issues that need to be dealt with so that I can get on with my life, and get out of this debt I have put myself and my family into.

I want so badly to tell Aaron about it. However, I don't want to give him something else to worry about while he's in Afghanistan. At the same time, I feel like not telling him is lying to him. I also don't want him to get mad at me.

Sometimes I wonder if one of the reasons I spend so much money on wraps is because I feel like it makes me a better mom. Am I such a bad parent that in order to make-up for the things I don't do, I do the "crunchy" parenting? Do I think that AP moms are generally thought of as better parents, more in tune to their children, that if I am perceived as an AP mom no one will know how crappy a parent I really am? Hopefully the answers to these questions will come in time. Until then, I'll just keep on keeping on.

Day 6

Today was a very busy day, it seemed to pass very quickly. I got up about 8 and was out the door an hour and a half later. First stop was ACS to get the needed signatures for the EROD paperwork. Second stop was the Newborn network. We did infant massage, Graham really seemed to enjoy it, until he realized it was time to eat of course.

We stopped over at Sarah's house when we got home at about 12. Abby looks great and was as happy as ever. Next stop was Lori's. I had to do my check ups to make sure my friends were doing all right with their husbands having left early that morning.

At about 1 we made it home, hoping to talk to Aaron online. No luck, but Kayla did fall asleep so I had some free time to get a quick workout in, or so I thought. 10 minutes into it Graham started crying and wouldn't let me put him down. I never got to finish, but I did get to clean the kitchen just a little bit and do a little laundry.

When Kayla finally woke up we went for a walk and to the playground. Overall it was a great day.

Day 4 and 5

Day 4, which was Sunday was a pretty easy going day. I actually got to do the complete shred workout, and I felt amazing afterwards. We went grocery shopping for the week, stocked up on lots of good food. Still no word from Aaron since Friday.

Day 5
It was freezing cold this morning. We laid in bed until about 10 then I tried to get ready and get out of the house in time to go to the clinic before meeting Pam for lunch, no dice. The clinic waited until after lunch. Lunch was a ton of fun, the DFAC was celebrating the Army's 235th birthday so there was lobster and shrimp, delicious! I could have gotten a workout in at about 10 pm but I was exhausted! We'll try again tomorrow. I decided not to EROD, I'm just going home for the deployment once Graham's passports arrive, which is hopefully this week.

Day 3

I think I have a problem, and I'm obviously not handling Aaron's deployment as well as I thought I was. Today all I did was eat, and I wasn't eating healthy food per se. It tapered off by noon, but the damage had already been done. Seeing that I also didn't get a workout in and tomorrow is a weigh-in day, I'm gonna be in trouble. I also tried to think of some more stuff I could purchase. Those are the two things I do when I'm stressed, eat and spend money on things I don't necessarily need.

Graham scared the crap out of me today. He coughed up a little bit of blood. I was seriously freaking out for about 5 minutes.

Day 2

Today was harder than yesterday, I had Kayla all day. She seems to have a hard time listening to me recently. I think she is pushing the boundaries to see just how much she can get away with. I'm trying to start a schedule during the day and hopefully reintroduce nap time around 1 pm. She has been passing out about 4 the last few days, and she naps for 2 hours. It's great because I get some down time, but then she is awake until 10 and I'd like to have some down time in the evenings before I go to bed as well as during the day.

I was actually able to get the full workout in today of the 30 day shred. It was tough, but I felt really good afterwards. I even had extra time to grill some pork chops and eat one before Kayla woke up.

Today we walked to VES for field day. Instead of watching the events, we helped bag 625 bags of popcorn! We had fun. Kayla was practicing catching tossed food in her mouth, she's getting pretty good at it! My neighbor told me her goal was to teach Kayla how to spit in the grass. Seriously, that's the best she can do. Teach a 2 year old girl how to spit. Real Klassy, with a capital K!

We were able to chat on Yahoo with Aaron today. We tried to skype but his internet connection was too slow to support it. I wish he would call I love hearing his voice, it makes everything better.

I got a new wrap in the mail today. I absolutely love it! There are about 4 more that I'd like to purchase, then my set will be complete. Yes, 8 woven wraps are not enough! There are just so many variations, and they are so versatile. I put Graham in a back wrap today. I did well the first time while looking at the instructions, the second time without looking didn't go over so well. It will take a couple more times of practice and then we are on our way!

Day 1

I only broke down once today. I was waiting for the doctors to get Graham's ultrasound. I just wanted my husband there with me. The doctors were talking about keeping Graham for 24 hours so that they could put some wire down his throat and measure the acid levels, I was not okay with that, especially without Aaron.

I tried to do the shred workout this morning, but of course as soon as I started it Graham woke up, and I never got another chance to complete it. I'll try again tomorrow.

I took some great photos of Kayla today, and I got one of Graham wrapped up on me while waiting for the paperwork at the hospital. I also saw a spider with one of those mosquito killers caught in its web, by the time I grabbed my camera the spider was no longer attacking it, but I took a picture anyway.

It was super hot in my house today, which is probably why I wasn't inside much today. I can't wait to experience air conditioning again. 90 degree days with no AC is awful!

T-minus 3 hours

In 3 hours, I will be a single mother. In 3 hours my world will come crashing down. In 3 hours, hell I just hope I can make it through the next 3 hours. It's funny how I've been okay all day, but the second I got home and actually sat down everything just hit me. I'm glad I'm going home, I just wish I were leaving sooner.

On a positive note...since tomorrow is the beginning of the next chapter of my life I am beginning some new routines. I had my 6 week postpartum check today and I'm clear for exercise. Therefore, tomorrow starts day 1 of the 30 day shred! It also begins day 1 of 365 days of pictures. I'm going to try for a single picture every day that sums up that day, either what I want it to be, or what it was. There will also be a new picture every day of my babies.

Please keep my family and I in your prayers on this day.

I'm a Snob and I'm better than you

I've come to accept the fact that I'm a snob. Most people with my condition(snobbiness) would defend themselves and say something like "I'm not a snob, I'm selective," but I'm going to own my snobbiness. I'm not talking about money here, I mean we barely make $36,000 a year. I'm talking about persons. I feel superior to various types of people. If you're married with children and you're out drinking every weekend until midnight, I'm better than you. If you have no drive, no ambition, I'm better than you. If you yell at your children for the things that children do, i.e. try to be the center of attention when they're not (say at a baby shower), I'm better than you. If you don't research things for yourself and just go with the majority, I'm better than you.

Basically, I judge you on everything you do. If I think I'm better than you, I will no longer speak to you.

Losing My Mind

I am slowly but surely losing my mind. I am one of the most easy going people you will ever meet, yet I have been getting frustrated by everything here lately.

I almost want to say it's postpartum depression. The only thing stopping me from that is my symptoms don't match up. I have plenty of energy, I'm not "blue", I'm bonding just fine with Graham, I just get frustrated and angry very easily, usually at my children. I spanked Kayla today. I don't believe in spanking, and even if I did, what she was doing was not a spankable offense.

I was making myself a ham sandwich since it was 2:30 and the only thing I had eaten all day was a carnation instant breakfast, Graham was content, at least he was when I started making my sandwich, which was before Kayla started trying to pick him up. So he was crying, and Kayla wanted watermelon so she was crying. Kayla picked up a knife and gave it to me so I could cut the watermelon, but it was a steak knife. I told her that knife wouldn't work, took it from her and threw it in the sink. She opened the cabinet under the sink and climbed on the shelf to get the knife out of the sink. I asked her to get down, and once again told her it was the wrong knife. She didn't listen, so I took her off the shelf myself.

She started screaming. Graham was screaming in the living room, Kayla was screaming in the kitchen, I couldn't get Graham until my sandwich was made or I wasn't going to get to eat. I couldn't make my sandwich because Kayla was screaming and climbing on things trying to grab a very sharp knife. Kayla tried again to climb up to the sink to grab the knife, I once again took her down and shut the cabinet doors. She screamed and cried louder. I had to hold the doors shut, she tried and tried to open them, so I spanked her butt.

I felt horrible! What is spanking going to teach her? Especially for that reason? I just get so overwhelmed sometimes when the two of them are crying at the same time. It got to the point today that Graham was crying and I couldn't figure out why, but he wouldn't stop and I was getting very frustrated so I put him in his crib, shut his door went into my bathroom to get a shower, Kayla started crying that she wanted to come with me, so I shut and locked my bedroom door, shut my bathroom door and took a 2 minute "shower" just to calm down.

It worked at least. When I picked Graham up he stopped crying almost instantly, and Kayla was all smiles when I opened up my bedroom door. I still felt guilty for leaving them alone screaming, but what's a mom to do?

Whirlwind

As of April 29, 2010 at 4:01 in the afternoon (Central European Time) I am a mother of two. It is hard to believe that almost a month has gone by. The past month has been much more difficult than I anticipated. It seems as though Graham does two things all day, either eats or screams. It is my belief that he is suffering from Acid Reflux, we will find out on Friday. Kayla has taken to crying. I guess she sees us respond to Grahams cries immediately and has decided it's the best way to get our attention for herself as well. This has lead to many frustrating moments, moments when I don't recognize myself because I'm usually so calm natured. I've actually scared myself a few times and I had to have Aaron come get Graham so that I could just breathe. It is in these moments that I don't know how I am going to survive the upcoming deployment with my sanity intact.

Friends and family have always been what got me through difficult times. This time I am without family, with the exception of my children who sad to say add to the difficulties, and friends are hard to come by. I found one, but she's leaving for the deployment, and there are a couple more possibilities for friendship, but they're not to that level of comfort that I would rely on for making it through difficult times, not yet anyways.

To add to the deployment difficulty, my grandfather is having a double bypass tomorrow morning. This was one of my biggest fears about moving to Europe. All four of my grandparents are currently alive, and I am very thankful for that. My maternal grandmother is in remission of colon cancer, for the second time. My paternal grandmother is 80 years old and has every ailment you could possibly imagine that isn't life threatening in and of itself. My paternal grandfather is 81 and has diabetes. My maternal grandfather was perfectly healthy until suddenly he was short of breath and they found a blockage too big for a stint and needing a double bypass. He was the last one I was worried about.

It's been a whirlwind of emotions, I hope I make it through the storm.

Could this be it?

I began having contractions about 845 this morning. They were not painful by any means, but they were definitely there. I showered, and cooked breakfast then went for an almost 3 mile walk with the neighbor. During my walk the contractions definitely became stronger. However, since I've gotten home they seem to have subsided. We'll see what happens over the next few hours. I was very excited when walking because I was sure that today(or tomorrow) would be the day, now I don't really think so. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

Caden's First Birthday!

Today is my best friend's son's first birthday. I can't believe Kayla and I aren't around for it. I remember the day before he was born, I got a call from Samanthia as I was about to get into the shower that her water had just broken and it was time to go to the hospital. The drive there was hilarious. Poor Sam was in pain and we didn't even go straight to the hospital, we had to go from her parents house, to her apartment (about 30-45 minutes away) to get her hospital bag and then another 20-30 minutes to the hospital. She was not a very happy camper. When we finally got to the hospital it took forever to get her epidural, and there was blood EVERYWHERE from where they missed a vein and then poked through it. She was much happier after that epidural, human even.

Now, here I sit having very irregular contractions, wondering if anything is going to happen. Wondering if we could possibly have children who share the same birth day. I am hoping in some parts of my mind that Graham makes his appearance today, and others are hoping he waits 11 days until my mother can be here. I guess only time will tell, and it's all up to him.

I will continue about my day as if nothing is happening and if it happens I will be thrilled. Until then, it's time to make Kayla some breakfast and bake this Hummingbird Cake for the barbecue at the Hillius home tonight!

Happy Birthday Caden!

Birthing Day Timeline

Well, the big day is getting close. I am very surprised at how slowly the past few weeks have gone by though. It seems like time stops once you hit 35 weeks. I originally thought I would go way past due, then I thought I would be very early, and now I have no idea. I'm going to visualize Graham coming on April 26. I've even created a schedule of how I want the day to go to minimize my time spent in the hospital to avoid the interventions they will most likely try. The plan is for pressure waves (PW) to begin about midnight on the 26 (that's a Sunday Night/Monday Morning) and I want to get some sleep for a few hours during them in the beginning. About 0300, I plan to get out of bed and sit on my birthing ball for a couple hours listening to my hypnobabies tracks. Around 0500 I'm going to wake Aaron up and let Kayla and my mom sleep. Aaron and I are going to go for a walk (He's unaware of this at the moment, but it's about his usual PT time so he'd be up and going to exercise anyways.) After our walk I'm going to eat a small breakfast so that I have some energy. Around 0800, if they aren't up yet, I'm going to wake up Kayla and my mom. I want to spend some time with Kayla before going into the hospital. Hopefully we can cuddle on the couch, or in my bed, and read some books. I think this is the most important part of my schedule. Just getting some time with Kayla. 0930 or so I want to be headed to the hospital. This puts me into the hospital about 1000. I hope to be about 7-9 cm dilated. Hopefully the birthing tub will not be in use, and I will be spending the remaining time in the water. I picture Graham coming around 1200. A couple hours later they can take him for circumcision and to weigh and measure him. Ideally, we will be discharged from the hospital no later than 1700.

All in all, my birthing time will last around 12 hours. It's not the shortest, but definitely not the longest either. I figure it's perfect to keep everything calm and relaxed. This is what I'm going to need to be successful in my med-free VBAC birth. I've been mentally preparing for the birth I want for about 8 weeks now, with 3 weeks left I think I will be golden.

Camp Caglewood among other things

First things first! Please check out this blog about Camp Caglewood!

http://thedeegandaily.blogspot.com/2010/03/thankful-and-camp-caglewood.html

Secondly, it's storming here in Germany! I have been waiting for a good down pour and finally we have one. I am slightly disappointed because the weather has been so incredible the last few days and can only hope that returns once the storm has passed, but I love a good storm.

Thirdly, I am beginning to seriously think that I do not have much longer in this pregnancy. Technically I have just under 4 weeks, but the way things are going I just don't see myself being pregnant for much longer than two weeks. It is a scary thought, there is still so much to do around the house to prepare for baby, and we're still waiting for a few packages, although we do have the car seat now so that's out of the way. A clean house would be nice to bring baby home to. I'll have to get on that this weekend. It is amazing how dirty a house can get in a matter of days.

Aaron is coming home! and Hospital Tour

My husband is finally returning home, after three long weeks of absence. I wasn't expecting him until Sunday night, but I received a phone call from him this afternoon and he said he will actually be home tomorrow! I am very excited to see him again. I'm also excited because this means that the Samoa's that have been taunting me from my freezer will finally get what has been coming to them.

I feel as though Kayla is really starting to notice Aaron's absence, so he's coming home at a great time. She talks more about doing things like her daddy does, or wanting to give things to her daddy or see him. The past two or three days she's had a couple fits that I can't help but wonder if they have something to do with Aaron not being around. After all, she doesn't throw fits under normal circumstances.

Last night I left Kayla with a friend and her children. Kayla had a blast as did the other children, I'm not sure that Kayla even realized I was missing. This was very comforting to me, because now I won't have to worry about Kayla while I'm in the hospital birthing Graham if for some reason my mom doesn't make it in time. I know that she will be well taken care of, and happy to boot.

I left Kayla last night to go on a tour of the labor and delivery ward of the local hospital. I was quite impressed with the facilities. They have all sorts of things available to women to help during labor. They even have a birthing tub for underwater births. I had wanted to do this with Kayla, and it didn't work out thanks to my doctor not telling me that she had given up her rights to the only hospital around that offered that option. I'm thinking that I will have a water birth with Graham.

Water births are becoming more popular. The laboring woman is weightless in the water for one thing so there is pain relief, it is also a more gentle entrance into the world for the new baby. After all, he's spent the last 9 months swimming around in warm water, what better way to enter the world than through warm water until you are cuddled up against your mother's body?

I couldn't be happier to be giving birth the second time around in Germany. They are much less into interventions than their counterparts in the United States, at least it seems that way based on the answers I was given by the doctor last night. We'll see what happens when I am actually in my birthing time. I do know this time around that it's okay to be vocal and tell my doctors what is going to happen and not let them try to scare me into choosing their methods.

I am very hopeful that this delivery will be the way that I visualize it to be. We'll see what happens in 5 weeks!

35/35

I have officially made it to one of the biggest milestones of pregnancy. 35/35. I have completed 35 weeks, and have only 35 days remaining until my guess date. Yesterday was my appointment. Everything looked great. My BP was back down 112/69. I think this had a lot to do with going into the center position that I learned from my hypnobabies CDs. Graham has finally decided to move head down! That is one less thing I have to worry about now, provided he doesn't flip back. I've been having crazy strong Braxton Hicks the last few days and it makes me wonder if I will make it to my guess date. I would like to make it at least that far, but babies tend to have minds of their own when deciding on their birthing time. Only time will tell.

Aaron returns home on Sunday. I am anxiously waiting for that day to come. The last few weeks has been very uneventful without him around. It hasn't passed slowly, or quickly for that matter, it has merely passed. I have been thinking a lot recently about the upcoming deployment. Why can't everything be as calm and okay for a deployment as it is for an extended field problem. In the grand scheme of things, they aren't so much different. Limited communication, and actually he's likely to have more communication while deployed than he has had during this field problem. I guess the only difference is that there isn't a significant chance of injury during a field problem, which there definitely is during a deployment.

This brings up another problem. What to do about vacations/leaving Germany during the deployment. On one hand it would make things a lot easier to leave and be with family during Aaron's "vacation in the sand". On the other hand, what if something happened and they couldn't get in touch with me because I had left Germany and not informed them (which I wouldn't). I think I've decided to seriously consider an EROD move. My final decision on this will be when I decide to enlist or not.

Aaron and I have talked extensively on the subject of my enlistment. We have agreed that if it's what I really want to do, which I'm pretty sure it is although that may change after Graham is born, than it would be a good thing for our family. The next question is when would I go to basic? I've always liked the idea of basic while he is deployed. That way it won't be any extra time away from him. If I decide to enlist, I will wait until Graham is at least a year old...so that would make it May 2011. Aaron returns (hopefully) June 2011. So that doesn't give me enough time to complete Basic Training before Aaron returns from deployment, and I would miss his homecoming which is definitely NOT an option. Therefore I will have to wait until he returns to complete Basic.

An EROD move might make sense, but only if I am for sure enlisting as soon as Aaron returns, which I am skeptical of doing since we will have already been apart for 12 months. However, what's another 13 weeks in a lifetime? My AIT will be accompanied since it's a year long and Aaron can be stationed at DLI in Monterey where my AIT will be held. So many questions need to be answered, I need to find a recruiter in Germany to talk to about everything. Or maybe just get in touch with my previous recruiter.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

33 weeks 1 day

Yesterday I had my doctor's appointment. He was concerned with the amount of weight I had gained between my 25 week appt and my 31 week appointment I think he said it was 6 kilos (12 lbs roughly) granted that is 12 lbs over the course of 6 weeks which amounts to 2 lbs a week, which most books will say that in the 3rd trimester women gain anywhere from 1-2 lbs a week. However, I tried to explain to him that my weight at the 31 week appointment was inaccurate because I had literally just gotten off a 14 hour plane trip. Next week he will be concerned that I dropped weight between 31 and 33 weeks because I lost 3 kilos between those appointments. I got a little worried as well at the end of the appointment because my blood pressure was high...147/71. It has been running about 117/70. High blood pressure is what got me into the mess with Kayla's delivery and I will not go through that again.

I found out that they will let me go 10 days past my guess date. I would have appointments every 2 days for an ultrasound and fetal monitoring to make sure everything was still working like it should be in there, and at 11 days if I didn't go into labor on my own they would check if my cervix was mature and if so use pitocin, if not use prostaglandins to mature it and then start pitocin. I will be everything I can to make sure I don't make it to that 11th day.

Operation Kayla STTN Morning after Night 4

Las night was a total bomb! I felt completely awful to begin with so sticking with the routine was very hard, but we managed to do it. Kayla had her bath at 1930, only it was 1945 when we got out of the tub and laid in bed. I read one book and then just couldn't read anymore, I needed to go to sleep. So we just laid in bed. I passed out almost immediately. I have no idea what time she fell asleep. I woke up again at 2145 and went to my bed. 30 minutes later Kayla was crying for me, so I went back to her room where I slept until 0015. I prayed that her streak of waking up at 0030 would stop, thankfully it did. She awoke again at 0220. I tried to leave her bed around 0300....she woke up I laid back down. At 0400 I tried again, she woke up again and I laid back down again, only I couldn't get back to sleep. I was tossing and turning trying to get comfortable, this kept her awake so we woke up and went to my bed so she could watch Tinkerbell and I could fall back asleep. It was 0500 by the time I fell asleep for any good amount of time and then she joined me and fell asleep about 0530. We then woke up at 0745. I think I'm going to start a running tally at night of how long I sleep in my bed compared to hers

My Bed(without Kayla) 2 hours 30 minutes
My Bed with Kayla (2 hours 45 minutes)
Kayla's Bed 3 hours 35 minutes

That kind of sleep time is not very conducive to having energy during the day to run around after her. This has got to be right soon..I really need an uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep, without Kayla in my bed!

Operation Kayla STTN Morning after Night 3

Kayla fell asleep quicker last night than I've ever seen her fall asleep. She almost fell asleep in the towel in my arms while drying off after her bath. I didn't let her because I wanted to keep the same routine. So she fell asleep about 2015 in her bed after reading a couple books.

Once again, the girl was awake at midnight thirty. This time however, she actually made it to my room before I woke up which I did with a start! I had to stay in bed with her a couple minutes to get her to fall back asleep and of course fell asleep myself until 0200. Then she woke up at 0500 and again made it into my room before I woke up. She tried to wake up for the day. I didn't allow it so we slept until 0715 in her bed and then got up. The nights are getting better for sure. I can't wait for the 0030 wakeup to be over with. I might actually wake up at 0500 if it's the first time she wakes up....who am I kidding no I won't. I need to train her to not get up before 0700 on the weekdays and 0800 on the weekends. That would be nice.

Poor Aaron

I woke up this morning to frost on the ground. Aaron and his soldiers are on a field training exercise (FTX) sleeping out in the cold and what not. He's gone for a total of 3 weeks. I know how he felt with Kayla and I gone for so long. I'm lucky to have a good friend to pass the time with. We have been sharing dinner duty as well. I think I may run out of things to cook before the time is up though.

Today and tomorrow are pretty busy days. I have a WIC appointment this morning, along with a repairman coming to fix Kayla's shower. I need to make an appointment at the doctor for Kayla so that we can do the mommy and me gymnastics class, or she can go to daycare. I also need to go by the housing office to get the permit paperwork for fencing in our backyard.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment at 1315, I also will be dropping my car off at the repair shop to be fixed. I will feel so much better once the car is fixed. It was very unfortunate that it was wrecked, but what can a girl do, unfortunate things happen all the time you just gotta keep pushing through.

Keep on Pushing!

Operation Kayla STTN Morning after Night 2

Last night was slightly more successful than the first night. I can only hope this pattern continues. Kayla was ready for a bath at about 1945. We finished in the tub about 2015, put lotion on, then Kayla's big girl panties, and laid in bed to read books. After about 10 minutes of reading she was falling asleep and I left the bed a few minutes after 2030.

I went back downstairs and finished cleaning it up (a repairman is supposed to be coming this morning to fix Kayla's tub) After cleaning I got ready for bed and listened to my hypnobabies program for the night. Kayla remained asleep until 0030. I don't know what it is but this is the second night in a row that she has woken up at exactly 0030.

I remained in bed with Kayla until 0220. Kayla woke up again at 0415 and I remained in her bed with her until 0700 when we got up for the day.

So like I said at the beginning of the post, there was some forward progress. I'm really hoping that second wake-up will be over with tonight or tomorrow, it's the one that really gets me!

Operation Kayla STTN Morning after Night 1

With the new baby coming, and Aaron's upcoming deployment I have decided it is time to get serious about Kayla sleeping in her own bed through the night. Last night marked night 1. This is how it went. Kayla got a bath at 2000. 2030 dried off, lotioned, and laying in bed reading books. 2045, out cold and I went downstairs to do some cleaning and grocery list making before I went to bed.

2145, I hear Kayla crying so I go check on her and she's back to sleep in a few minutes. I finished my work then got in the shower at 2215. 2230 I was in bed listening to my hypnobabies track and falling into a deep sleep.

0030 I awoke to the sounds of Kayla crying yet again. I checked on her and laid in bed until she was good and asleep again. I of course fell asleep during some of this as well, though it was a very light sleep. At 0222 I once again left Kayla's bed and returned to mine.

0328 Kayla woke up crying yet again. I went back to her room and laid down again with her until 0526 when I returned to my room.

0540 Kayla woke up and we were up for the day.

I will say Night one was a success, after all she stayed in her bed all night. Granted we were up and down a lot, and I am exhausted because of it, but I know these things take time. Can't wait to see how tonight goes.

31 weeks 3 days

It's been a month. I was in Nashville, TN up until the 16th. I had a blast, and also managed to gain 7 lbs over the 6 weeks I was there. So I have 9 lbs to go until I reach pre-pregnancy weight, and a little less than 9 weeks to go. The flight home was good, thanks to the help of the wonderful flight attendants from American. Traveling overseas with a 2 year old requires a lot of carry-on items, a car seat, a bag with a pillow and blanket, books, toys, and then of course I need something to keep me busy. The should make the aisles bigger on planes, it wouldn't have been as bad. I don't know how I'm going to do it with a newborn and a two 1/2 year old. I think somebody is going to have to come to Germany and fly me back.

Kayla was very excited to see her daddy when we got home. I think this upcoming deployment might be a little more difficult on her than I originally anticipated. We also received news that the deployment has been moved up about 3 weeks, which means my in-laws will be here up until about a week before Aaron deploys...AGAIN! I'm not going to be a very happy person, and I might end up really pissing off my in-laws to where we will not be on speaking terms. Which actually doesn't seem like such a bad idea, except that it would really upset Aaron. My dad was able to explain really well the difference between Aaron's family and my own in terms of coming to visit us in Germany. Aaron's family is coming as a vacation, they are coming to sight-see, a mediterranean cruise is their first priority, then since they're here they might as well see us. When it's time to show pictures of their vacation it will be "This was in Rome...look how beautiful this is. And oh yeah, this is our new grandson with his big sister. But can you believe the scenery in the mediterranean?" They really drive me crazy. They also expect to spend a couple days in Prague during their 9 day visit with us. Seriously? They want me to pack up a 2 week old and a 2 year old and drive somewhere 3 hours away to visit Prague? I already told Aaron it wasn't happening. They are more than welcome to leave for a couple days by themselves, but Kayla isn't going, I'm not going and neither is Graham, and I would be very upset if he left me at home by myself with Kayla and Graham. So much for spending time as a family before his deployment.

My mother is coming for three weeks. Her plans for those three weeks involve, cooking, cleaning,doing laundry, babysitting Kayla so Graham and I can nap. Babysitting Graham and Kayla so I can shower and what not, and enjoying the company of her new grandson and of course me, Kayla, and Aaron as well. How can two families be so completely different.

Anyways...I'm off to MegaPlay! Have a great weekend

27 weeks

I am officially 27 weeks 1 day. I am now back to 16 lbs under prepregnancy weight. I feel like I am ballooning. It's weird, I keep my weight in check when I'm in Germany, but for some reason being home the pounds just pack on. It makes me want to stay away, I wonder if it's all the stress from my mother that I don;t have to deal with when I'm in Germany. I still feel pretty good, a lot more exhausted than I'm use to. The drama between my parents really takes it out of me. I try not to get involved, but my mother is so cruel sometimes that it's hard to stay out of it. Maybe coming here for so long wasn't the best idea I've ever had. I really miss Aaron too. We don't get to speak very often because of his work schedule coupled with the time change, and it really sucks. He made me cry on Tuesday. He sent Kayla a bouquet of flowers, roses and carnations and alstomeria(sp?), it was gorgeous and his card was really sweet talking about missing his princess and not being able to wait to hold her again. He also sent me a bouquet of red roses and calla lilies. Both are absolutely gorgeous. I wish I could do more for him. It seems like our relationship is very one-sided sometimes.

I've been thinking about my "job" a lot lately. SAHM was the last thing that I ever thought I would be. Yet, here I am. I love spending my day with Kayla, and I look forward to spending my days with Kayla and Graham, but at the same time I feel like I don't contribute to the household. I feel like all I do is spend money and I haven't helped earn any of that money. It's made me consider more seriously joining the army myself. It's something I've always wanted to do, but something always happened right when I was about to sign that prevented me from doing so. The plus side of joining would be 1. My student loans would be paid in full, 2. I would have steady income, 3. I would receive a large sign-on bonus that could be used for a down payment on a house or be put into a mutual fund that by the time Kayla and Graham were old enough for college it would fully fund their educations and then some. The down side is that 1. I would have to leave my children and my husband for 13 weeks of Basic Training, during which time I would be able to talk to them maybe once a week. 2. I could possibly be deployed at which point I would be away from my children for a year 3. Aaron and I could deploy at the same time, in which case our children would have both parents gone for a year. It's a lot to take in and think about.

Kayla just continues to amaze me. She put on an anime cat hat today, I think my mom purchased it at some point from good will, and immediately said "I'm a cat" It was the cutest thing. She is such a sweet girl. I am the luckiest mom on the planet. She is always giving me hugs and kisses and saying "love you momma" or "I love mommy" She is growing up so quickly. I can't believe she is already 25 months old. I can't imagine life without her. It's going to be very difficult to split my time between her and Graham once he arrives. I'm sure I'll feel like I'm neglecting one of them, and with Aaron deploying it will probably be even harder. I think I may stay in Germany for the majority of his deployment. I was originally planning on coming home from November-April, but after being here only 2 weeks now and thinking it's too long, I can't imagine being here for 6 months!

Until next week, or I need to vent again

26 weeks

Yay! 26 weeks down, 14 to go. My bout of sickness on Sunday, and inability to really consume food for the next day took it's toll on my weight and I'm back down to 20 lbs under pre-pregnancy weight. I am still very able to hide the fact that I'm pregnant. It's weird to be so much smaller at almost 6 months pregnant than I was when I first became pregnant. I have noticed though that my baby bump is much more pronounced in the late afternoon than when I first wake-up. Bloat is crazy like that I guess. I will be making an appointment with a local OB while I'm here per Doctor's request. I am also planning on surprising Aaron with a 3d/4d ultrasound appointment. I feel Graham moving like crazy now. Last night, about 1 am, I was able to feel his head pushing out against my stomach. It was the weirdest feeling, because it was like I was actually holding his head in my hand. I love being pregnant. Every moment is amazing.

Surprise!

The past week (almost) has been amazing! Aaron and I decided a few days after Christmas that it was a good time for my visit home. So on January 7, I boarded a plane with "Uncle Vinny", Andrew, and Kayla for the flight from Germany back to the states. That was probably one of the longest days of my life. We boarded the plane at 1:30 Germany Time. We landed in Chicago at 5 pm Chicago time, or 12 am Germany time. Our flight was originally scheduled to depart Chicago at 8:00 pm(3 am). We stood in line at customs for a few minutes, dreading what seemed like would be a very long wait as the line was outrageous. However, I quickly noticed a line for military ID card holders that had maybe 3 people in it. We were through customs in no time. Next we had to pick up our bags, go through customs again, and re-check our bags for the flight into Nashville. By the time we were able to do this, we had been in Chicago for 2 hours! We were starving to boot. Somewhat luckily, our flight was delayed until 9:00pm (4am) We went to Chili's and tried to watch some of the Alabama Texas BCS bowl championship, but it didn't work out so well. By the time our flight actually left, we had been moved to 3 different gates, and sat on the plane for 45 minutes. It was midnight(7am) when we arrived in Nashville. I had officially been awake for 24 hours since I didn't sleep during my flight time. I was up until 6 am (1pm) before finally getting to sleep thanks to Kayla staying awake because of the jet lag.

Our arrival in Nashville, however, was very exciting. It was a complete surprise for my entire family. My mom started screaming and crying when she saw us, my dad just grabbed Kayla and hugged and kissed her all over. I have missed them immensely. Friday we slept, Saturday we were having a big family get together and surprising them with our attendance. The weather had other plans. So we called everybody playing coy about what was going on, some people figured it out very quickly, others took quite a bit of time. It was quite funny. My aunt Suzi didn't believe that we were here and hung up on my dad because he was playing such a cruel joke. The weather got a little better, Missy, Amanda, and Lilly were able to make it out to visit for a while. Sunday morning, Big Nan Nan brought breakfast, eggs, bacon, orange juice, raspberry danish coffee cake. He wasn't able to stay very long but Kayla was very excited to see him. I was sick the rest of the day, it was horrible.

Monday was uneventful, Tuesday was full of fun. We went to Farmers Market for lunch. PSA Stay away, now that the chinese food place is gone from there the food leaves lots to be desired. After lunch we went to AC and Boo's to play. It turned into another huge party, Cari, Mack, Helen, Pinky, Joseph, Big Nan Nan, Miss BB, Missy, Amanda, Me, Nan Nan, Kayla, Boo, and AC all visited together until about 6.

No plans as of yet for today.

New Years and a Pregnancy Update

New Year's Eve was pretty uneventful. Aaron, Kayla, Vinny, Andrew, and I spent our time over at our neighbor's house with what seemed like the whole neighborhood and then some. Kayla was ready for bed at about 9 pm though so I had to go home and get her to sleep. I finished reading New Moon. Aaron came and got me at 1130 so that we could do the countdown, I was back in bed by 12:10. Aaron on the other hand didn't make it to bed until 7 am. He was out until 6, and then proceeded to pass out on the toilet until I found him there when I got up at 7. Vinny and Andrew slept until 3 pm and 1 pm respectively, Aaron never really made it out of bed. So far 2010 has been great, we've played in the snow, visited new places around Germany, and I got my plane ticket to go home for a visit.

Pregnancy update: I am currently 24 weeks 6 days, and 16 lbs less than pre-pregnancy weight. I still feel really good and can definitely still hide my baby bump if I want. My jeans still fit, and most of my shirts cover my tummy except for the few that were almost too short before I was KTFU. I am surprising Aaron while I'm home with a 3d ultrasound. I am so excited, hopefully the little fella will be cooperative during this one, unlike at the Drs office. He won't ever give us a profile view of his face, or a decent look between his legs. At this point we are operating under the doctor being "pretty sure" it's a boy. I would really like a definite answer. I've gotten more information about the setting I will be delivering in, and I am super stoked. It has everything I could want and more to have a smooth labor and natural delivery of Graham.

You may be recalling my recently purchased ticket to visit home. I am going home on Thursday, just two days from now. Nobody knows I am coming, it will be a huge surprise. Not only am I going home, but I will be there for 6 weeks! I can't wait to see everybody again. I miss my family and my besties like crazy.

Well that is all the information I have as of now. I'll keep updating as time progresses