27 weeks

I am officially 27 weeks 1 day. I am now back to 16 lbs under prepregnancy weight. I feel like I am ballooning. It's weird, I keep my weight in check when I'm in Germany, but for some reason being home the pounds just pack on. It makes me want to stay away, I wonder if it's all the stress from my mother that I don;t have to deal with when I'm in Germany. I still feel pretty good, a lot more exhausted than I'm use to. The drama between my parents really takes it out of me. I try not to get involved, but my mother is so cruel sometimes that it's hard to stay out of it. Maybe coming here for so long wasn't the best idea I've ever had. I really miss Aaron too. We don't get to speak very often because of his work schedule coupled with the time change, and it really sucks. He made me cry on Tuesday. He sent Kayla a bouquet of flowers, roses and carnations and alstomeria(sp?), it was gorgeous and his card was really sweet talking about missing his princess and not being able to wait to hold her again. He also sent me a bouquet of red roses and calla lilies. Both are absolutely gorgeous. I wish I could do more for him. It seems like our relationship is very one-sided sometimes.

I've been thinking about my "job" a lot lately. SAHM was the last thing that I ever thought I would be. Yet, here I am. I love spending my day with Kayla, and I look forward to spending my days with Kayla and Graham, but at the same time I feel like I don't contribute to the household. I feel like all I do is spend money and I haven't helped earn any of that money. It's made me consider more seriously joining the army myself. It's something I've always wanted to do, but something always happened right when I was about to sign that prevented me from doing so. The plus side of joining would be 1. My student loans would be paid in full, 2. I would have steady income, 3. I would receive a large sign-on bonus that could be used for a down payment on a house or be put into a mutual fund that by the time Kayla and Graham were old enough for college it would fully fund their educations and then some. The down side is that 1. I would have to leave my children and my husband for 13 weeks of Basic Training, during which time I would be able to talk to them maybe once a week. 2. I could possibly be deployed at which point I would be away from my children for a year 3. Aaron and I could deploy at the same time, in which case our children would have both parents gone for a year. It's a lot to take in and think about.

Kayla just continues to amaze me. She put on an anime cat hat today, I think my mom purchased it at some point from good will, and immediately said "I'm a cat" It was the cutest thing. She is such a sweet girl. I am the luckiest mom on the planet. She is always giving me hugs and kisses and saying "love you momma" or "I love mommy" She is growing up so quickly. I can't believe she is already 25 months old. I can't imagine life without her. It's going to be very difficult to split my time between her and Graham once he arrives. I'm sure I'll feel like I'm neglecting one of them, and with Aaron deploying it will probably be even harder. I think I may stay in Germany for the majority of his deployment. I was originally planning on coming home from November-April, but after being here only 2 weeks now and thinking it's too long, I can't imagine being here for 6 months!

Until next week, or I need to vent again