Decisions, Apologies, and Realizations

The time is quickly approaching to make a decision on when to return to Germany. There have been rumors that Aaron will be returning as early as March. These are of course rumors, although supposedly from a very reliable source. What do I do? Return in January to re-acclimate in time for Aaron's return? Return in June, when Aaron will definitely be back and the Spring semester will be over? Or never return? It seems to be a near impossible decision


I miss Germany. I miss the freedom I had there. I miss my friends. I miss the fresh air. I miss how healthy I felt. Germany was great for me. It was truly the first time that I was on my own. Maybe I need more of that. Sometimes I feel like I'm still struggling to figure out who I am, and as long as I am living in Nashville I will never be able to figure it out. My identity seems to be my family.


I had plans to take a couple science classes this Spring, nursing pre-reqs and such. Kayla has a dance recital in June, which we already put a $70 deposit down for her outfit. Vinny graduates in May, something I want to be here for, and it's also his last season of baseball which I would love to see, I missed baseball in Germany.


So what takes priority? How I felt, what I need, what I want? What Kayla wants? What Aaron wants? What I feel is best for our family? What if they overlap into both options?


Apologies are in order. It seems as though a previous post hurt the feelings of someone very close to me. It was not my intention, just my venting. Maybe I should rethink my openness here. It seems as though that would be counterproductive. My entries help me to see things more clearly and not typing everything hinders that. Just please remember, my intentions are never to hurt anyone.


I have come to realize, that I listen to other people entirely too much when it comes to parenting. I have been trying to get Graham to sleep through the night. Several people have told me that he shouldn't still be nursing at night, and so I've been trying to stop the nighttime nursings. This has proven to be very difficult. Graham cries inconsolably when I refuse to feed him. It's not good for either of us. He will stop nursing at night when he is ready. Kayla was still nursing at night when she was Graham's age. I don't think she stopped night nursings until about 15 months. So Graham will nurse whenever he wants, and he will sleep through the night when he is ready. 


I believe I have made my decision on when to go back. I will post my decision when I am 100% sure of it.