I think I have a problem, and I'm obviously not handling Aaron's deployment as well as I thought I was. Today all I did was eat, and I wasn't eating healthy food per se. It tapered off by noon, but the damage had already been done. Seeing that I also didn't get a workout in and tomorrow is a weigh-in day, I'm gonna be in trouble. I also tried to think of some more stuff I could purchase. Those are the two things I do when I'm stressed, eat and spend money on things I don't necessarily need.
Graham scared the crap out of me today. He coughed up a little bit of blood. I was seriously freaking out for about 5 minutes.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Day 2
Today was harder than yesterday, I had Kayla all day. She seems to have a hard time listening to me recently. I think she is pushing the boundaries to see just how much she can get away with. I'm trying to start a schedule during the day and hopefully reintroduce nap time around 1 pm. She has been passing out about 4 the last few days, and she naps for 2 hours. It's great because I get some down time, but then she is awake until 10 and I'd like to have some down time in the evenings before I go to bed as well as during the day.
I was actually able to get the full workout in today of the 30 day shred. It was tough, but I felt really good afterwards. I even had extra time to grill some pork chops and eat one before Kayla woke up.
Today we walked to VES for field day. Instead of watching the events, we helped bag 625 bags of popcorn! We had fun. Kayla was practicing catching tossed food in her mouth, she's getting pretty good at it! My neighbor told me her goal was to teach Kayla how to spit in the grass. Seriously, that's the best she can do. Teach a 2 year old girl how to spit. Real Klassy, with a capital K!
We were able to chat on Yahoo with Aaron today. We tried to skype but his internet connection was too slow to support it. I wish he would call I love hearing his voice, it makes everything better.
I got a new wrap in the mail today. I absolutely love it! There are about 4 more that I'd like to purchase, then my set will be complete. Yes, 8 woven wraps are not enough! There are just so many variations, and they are so versatile. I put Graham in a back wrap today. I did well the first time while looking at the instructions, the second time without looking didn't go over so well. It will take a couple more times of practice and then we are on our way!
I was actually able to get the full workout in today of the 30 day shred. It was tough, but I felt really good afterwards. I even had extra time to grill some pork chops and eat one before Kayla woke up.
Today we walked to VES for field day. Instead of watching the events, we helped bag 625 bags of popcorn! We had fun. Kayla was practicing catching tossed food in her mouth, she's getting pretty good at it! My neighbor told me her goal was to teach Kayla how to spit in the grass. Seriously, that's the best she can do. Teach a 2 year old girl how to spit. Real Klassy, with a capital K!
We were able to chat on Yahoo with Aaron today. We tried to skype but his internet connection was too slow to support it. I wish he would call I love hearing his voice, it makes everything better.
I got a new wrap in the mail today. I absolutely love it! There are about 4 more that I'd like to purchase, then my set will be complete. Yes, 8 woven wraps are not enough! There are just so many variations, and they are so versatile. I put Graham in a back wrap today. I did well the first time while looking at the instructions, the second time without looking didn't go over so well. It will take a couple more times of practice and then we are on our way!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Day 1
I only broke down once today. I was waiting for the doctors to get Graham's ultrasound. I just wanted my husband there with me. The doctors were talking about keeping Graham for 24 hours so that they could put some wire down his throat and measure the acid levels, I was not okay with that, especially without Aaron.
I tried to do the shred workout this morning, but of course as soon as I started it Graham woke up, and I never got another chance to complete it. I'll try again tomorrow.
I took some great photos of Kayla today, and I got one of Graham wrapped up on me while waiting for the paperwork at the hospital. I also saw a spider with one of those mosquito killers caught in its web, by the time I grabbed my camera the spider was no longer attacking it, but I took a picture anyway.
It was super hot in my house today, which is probably why I wasn't inside much today. I can't wait to experience air conditioning again. 90 degree days with no AC is awful!
I tried to do the shred workout this morning, but of course as soon as I started it Graham woke up, and I never got another chance to complete it. I'll try again tomorrow.
I took some great photos of Kayla today, and I got one of Graham wrapped up on me while waiting for the paperwork at the hospital. I also saw a spider with one of those mosquito killers caught in its web, by the time I grabbed my camera the spider was no longer attacking it, but I took a picture anyway.
It was super hot in my house today, which is probably why I wasn't inside much today. I can't wait to experience air conditioning again. 90 degree days with no AC is awful!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
T-minus 3 hours
In 3 hours, I will be a single mother. In 3 hours my world will come crashing down. In 3 hours, hell I just hope I can make it through the next 3 hours. It's funny how I've been okay all day, but the second I got home and actually sat down everything just hit me. I'm glad I'm going home, I just wish I were leaving sooner.
On a positive note...since tomorrow is the beginning of the next chapter of my life I am beginning some new routines. I had my 6 week postpartum check today and I'm clear for exercise. Therefore, tomorrow starts day 1 of the 30 day shred! It also begins day 1 of 365 days of pictures. I'm going to try for a single picture every day that sums up that day, either what I want it to be, or what it was. There will also be a new picture every day of my babies.
Please keep my family and I in your prayers on this day.
On a positive note...since tomorrow is the beginning of the next chapter of my life I am beginning some new routines. I had my 6 week postpartum check today and I'm clear for exercise. Therefore, tomorrow starts day 1 of the 30 day shred! It also begins day 1 of 365 days of pictures. I'm going to try for a single picture every day that sums up that day, either what I want it to be, or what it was. There will also be a new picture every day of my babies.
Please keep my family and I in your prayers on this day.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I'm a Snob and I'm better than you
I've come to accept the fact that I'm a snob. Most people with my condition(snobbiness) would defend themselves and say something like "I'm not a snob, I'm selective," but I'm going to own my snobbiness. I'm not talking about money here, I mean we barely make $36,000 a year. I'm talking about persons. I feel superior to various types of people. If you're married with children and you're out drinking every weekend until midnight, I'm better than you. If you have no drive, no ambition, I'm better than you. If you yell at your children for the things that children do, i.e. try to be the center of attention when they're not (say at a baby shower), I'm better than you. If you don't research things for yourself and just go with the majority, I'm better than you.
Basically, I judge you on everything you do. If I think I'm better than you, I will no longer speak to you.
Basically, I judge you on everything you do. If I think I'm better than you, I will no longer speak to you.
Losing My Mind
I am slowly but surely losing my mind. I am one of the most easy going people you will ever meet, yet I have been getting frustrated by everything here lately.
I almost want to say it's postpartum depression. The only thing stopping me from that is my symptoms don't match up. I have plenty of energy, I'm not "blue", I'm bonding just fine with Graham, I just get frustrated and angry very easily, usually at my children. I spanked Kayla today. I don't believe in spanking, and even if I did, what she was doing was not a spankable offense.
I was making myself a ham sandwich since it was 2:30 and the only thing I had eaten all day was a carnation instant breakfast, Graham was content, at least he was when I started making my sandwich, which was before Kayla started trying to pick him up. So he was crying, and Kayla wanted watermelon so she was crying. Kayla picked up a knife and gave it to me so I could cut the watermelon, but it was a steak knife. I told her that knife wouldn't work, took it from her and threw it in the sink. She opened the cabinet under the sink and climbed on the shelf to get the knife out of the sink. I asked her to get down, and once again told her it was the wrong knife. She didn't listen, so I took her off the shelf myself.
She started screaming. Graham was screaming in the living room, Kayla was screaming in the kitchen, I couldn't get Graham until my sandwich was made or I wasn't going to get to eat. I couldn't make my sandwich because Kayla was screaming and climbing on things trying to grab a very sharp knife. Kayla tried again to climb up to the sink to grab the knife, I once again took her down and shut the cabinet doors. She screamed and cried louder. I had to hold the doors shut, she tried and tried to open them, so I spanked her butt.
I felt horrible! What is spanking going to teach her? Especially for that reason? I just get so overwhelmed sometimes when the two of them are crying at the same time. It got to the point today that Graham was crying and I couldn't figure out why, but he wouldn't stop and I was getting very frustrated so I put him in his crib, shut his door went into my bathroom to get a shower, Kayla started crying that she wanted to come with me, so I shut and locked my bedroom door, shut my bathroom door and took a 2 minute "shower" just to calm down.
It worked at least. When I picked Graham up he stopped crying almost instantly, and Kayla was all smiles when I opened up my bedroom door. I still felt guilty for leaving them alone screaming, but what's a mom to do?
I almost want to say it's postpartum depression. The only thing stopping me from that is my symptoms don't match up. I have plenty of energy, I'm not "blue", I'm bonding just fine with Graham, I just get frustrated and angry very easily, usually at my children. I spanked Kayla today. I don't believe in spanking, and even if I did, what she was doing was not a spankable offense.
I was making myself a ham sandwich since it was 2:30 and the only thing I had eaten all day was a carnation instant breakfast, Graham was content, at least he was when I started making my sandwich, which was before Kayla started trying to pick him up. So he was crying, and Kayla wanted watermelon so she was crying. Kayla picked up a knife and gave it to me so I could cut the watermelon, but it was a steak knife. I told her that knife wouldn't work, took it from her and threw it in the sink. She opened the cabinet under the sink and climbed on the shelf to get the knife out of the sink. I asked her to get down, and once again told her it was the wrong knife. She didn't listen, so I took her off the shelf myself.
She started screaming. Graham was screaming in the living room, Kayla was screaming in the kitchen, I couldn't get Graham until my sandwich was made or I wasn't going to get to eat. I couldn't make my sandwich because Kayla was screaming and climbing on things trying to grab a very sharp knife. Kayla tried again to climb up to the sink to grab the knife, I once again took her down and shut the cabinet doors. She screamed and cried louder. I had to hold the doors shut, she tried and tried to open them, so I spanked her butt.
I felt horrible! What is spanking going to teach her? Especially for that reason? I just get so overwhelmed sometimes when the two of them are crying at the same time. It got to the point today that Graham was crying and I couldn't figure out why, but he wouldn't stop and I was getting very frustrated so I put him in his crib, shut his door went into my bathroom to get a shower, Kayla started crying that she wanted to come with me, so I shut and locked my bedroom door, shut my bathroom door and took a 2 minute "shower" just to calm down.
It worked at least. When I picked Graham up he stopped crying almost instantly, and Kayla was all smiles when I opened up my bedroom door. I still felt guilty for leaving them alone screaming, but what's a mom to do?
Monday, May 24, 2010
Whirlwind
As of April 29, 2010 at 4:01 in the afternoon (Central European Time) I am a mother of two. It is hard to believe that almost a month has gone by. The past month has been much more difficult than I anticipated. It seems as though Graham does two things all day, either eats or screams. It is my belief that he is suffering from Acid Reflux, we will find out on Friday. Kayla has taken to crying. I guess she sees us respond to Grahams cries immediately and has decided it's the best way to get our attention for herself as well. This has lead to many frustrating moments, moments when I don't recognize myself because I'm usually so calm natured. I've actually scared myself a few times and I had to have Aaron come get Graham so that I could just breathe. It is in these moments that I don't know how I am going to survive the upcoming deployment with my sanity intact.
Friends and family have always been what got me through difficult times. This time I am without family, with the exception of my children who sad to say add to the difficulties, and friends are hard to come by. I found one, but she's leaving for the deployment, and there are a couple more possibilities for friendship, but they're not to that level of comfort that I would rely on for making it through difficult times, not yet anyways.
To add to the deployment difficulty, my grandfather is having a double bypass tomorrow morning. This was one of my biggest fears about moving to Europe. All four of my grandparents are currently alive, and I am very thankful for that. My maternal grandmother is in remission of colon cancer, for the second time. My paternal grandmother is 80 years old and has every ailment you could possibly imagine that isn't life threatening in and of itself. My paternal grandfather is 81 and has diabetes. My maternal grandfather was perfectly healthy until suddenly he was short of breath and they found a blockage too big for a stint and needing a double bypass. He was the last one I was worried about.
It's been a whirlwind of emotions, I hope I make it through the storm.
Friends and family have always been what got me through difficult times. This time I am without family, with the exception of my children who sad to say add to the difficulties, and friends are hard to come by. I found one, but she's leaving for the deployment, and there are a couple more possibilities for friendship, but they're not to that level of comfort that I would rely on for making it through difficult times, not yet anyways.
To add to the deployment difficulty, my grandfather is having a double bypass tomorrow morning. This was one of my biggest fears about moving to Europe. All four of my grandparents are currently alive, and I am very thankful for that. My maternal grandmother is in remission of colon cancer, for the second time. My paternal grandmother is 80 years old and has every ailment you could possibly imagine that isn't life threatening in and of itself. My paternal grandfather is 81 and has diabetes. My maternal grandfather was perfectly healthy until suddenly he was short of breath and they found a blockage too big for a stint and needing a double bypass. He was the last one I was worried about.
It's been a whirlwind of emotions, I hope I make it through the storm.
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